I hate your “name”. The name that was one of my best friends. Was that even you? Was that all an act? Or did you just mutate to this person that I can’t recognize? How can you change so much to even say that we’re not even friends anymore, I guess it’s been true for years now but I was too much in denial to see it. No one mentions you anymore, I guess no one cares enough to. But I can’t help but to think of you, think of all the good times we had. All the secrets we’ve shared. How you were the only one who cared enough to stop myself from doing that.. I KNOW that you cared for me, one of the deepest friendships I’ve ever had. I could tell you anything and I did. You told me everything until you found someone better. I remember when you called me about the band-aids in the toilet and how worried you were that someone would find out. Did they ever? I would of done anything for you & still would. I remember our last true conversation, was that the downfall? You told me the deepest of all of your secrets, did that make it to where you couldn’t face me anymore? I wish that you would of stayed, that you wouldn’t have gone away so far. That’s selfish of me though, you seem very happy now & I don’t wish anything but that upon you. It just hurts, memories of you hit me & then my insides pour out. I cry so much about you on random nights that I hold my breath and can’t breathe but I don’t notice it until my throat starts aching terribly, sometimes I don’t think this will ever stop. I probably never cross your mind & I don’t blame you for that.. Your life there seems perfect, I just wonder what could have been, if we would still be good friends. Sometimes I wonder if I just cared more, was I just your crutch to lean on until you found another you could trust. You couldn’t even trust her… I even trust her, I even cried to her at school, I mean that’s HUGE. Why couldn’t you trust her like me? Did she mean more to you, that you didn’t want to hurt her w. all of the truth? I miss our notes and hugs and the face you had when I gave you that Hannah Montana magnet, lol. You just made me happy being in my life, you were happy and that reflected on me. Now you’re gone and I’ve filled the void but never fully. Maybe this is all due to my biggest downfall, I care too much. I know that sounds stupid (not that anyone is reading this anyway), but I care too much about almost everything. Things I shouldn’t care so much about. It’s stupid but I can’t help it, I can never let things go, they always follow me and never stop. Well I guess I should end this now. I really do love you as a person, you’re one of my favorites. Maybe one day we’ll talk again and things will feel better, maybe not.